Start by talking about a spiral notebook, Sarah Abitbol. A notebook in which she would have liked to record her trainings. We have known her for years as a champion, but what did we know about her? Abitbol won a world bronze in Pairs in 2000 together with Stéphane Bernadis, and always with him she won two silver and five European bronzes between 1996 and 2006. Eleven seasons at the highest level, with ten French titles and numerous other medals. The story she tells, however, is not a success story, because in that notebook she did not record her trainings, but some initials. She was a girl in 1990. Abitbol was born on June 8, 1975, it’s easy to know her age. What she wanted to do was play a sport that she liked. Those who were close to her should have helped her to grow, not only at a sporting level, to protect her, and instead…
The notebook remained closed in a drawer for thirty years, without anyone reading it. P, T, S, C. Even if someone had looked at it, what could they have understood from these letters and a handful of dates? P+T, 21 and 29 July. S+C, 1, 2 and 3 August, from 2h30 to 5.00. And then five days simply marked with C. Pelotée, palpate. Touchée, touch. Suchée, to suck. Coucher, go to bed.
No one has ever read this notebook. […] It took thirty years for these coded initials, hidden inside a spiral notebook, to dare to appear in a book. For my hidden anger to eventually turn into a public cry. You destroyed my life, Mr. O., as you quietly led your life. Today I want to destroy my shame, move it to another place. But I also want to denounce the sports world that protected you, and still protects you while I’m writing these lines. When I wanted to speak, on several occasions, I couldn’t do it. Today, with this book, I come out of this murderous silence. And I ask all victims to do the same.
I hope I haven’t made any mistakes. In recent years I have read very little in French, and I don’t trust my ability to write in English too much. These words come from one of the first pages of Sarah Abitbol’s Un si long silence, a memoir published a year and a half ago that caused a huge scandal within the French federation. And we need it, because the victims continue to be too many, they continue to be intimidated, blackmailed, crushed in the most diverse ways, and too often those who take advantage of them get away with it. And sometimes the messages that the world gives us, in this case the sports one, but it happens in all areas, is that it doesn’t matter if you abuse someone, if you have other skills, all is forgiven.
No, is not forgiven.
Generally when a sportsman for some reason catches my attention and I find myself cheering for him, I cheer for him forever. I am still a fan of Daniela Silivas, who thrilled me at the 1988 Olympic Games and retired in 1989. I am still a fan of Stefan Edberg, who retired in 1996, or of Jana Novotna, who retired in 1999 and died in 2017, and I’m still crying for.
There is only one thing that can make me stop cheering for an athlete, the discovery that morality is optional for him, that the only thing that matters to him is to do what he wants, even if it means hurting someone, or join someone who does. I cheered for Vanessa James/Morgan Ciprès, now I can’t watch their videos anymore. I cheered for Aljona Savchenko, first with Robin Szolkowy and then with Bruno Massot. I was excited about her best performances, and I admired her determination. Not anymore. You can retire as a champion or an atlete among many, it’s your choice that I don’t discuss. You can continue compete as long as you want, if you have the strength. But moral principles are not optional. Whenever there is someone who thinks he can do what he like … no, thanks. I don’t know anything about TJ Nyman’s victims, but I’m on their side, not his side. And even though I know he’ll hurt me, I’ll be reading Sarah Abitbol’s book shortly, because there are things that cannot be passed over in silence, nor forgiven.
